yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
