You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
