Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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