nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
