I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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