pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
