The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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