I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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