Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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