i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
