Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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