your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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