I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
