Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Shame is for Republicans.
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