I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
