STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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