Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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