Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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