God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
