Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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