Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
