Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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