There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
zippers are such a cool invention
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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