let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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