my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
