I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
