Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
