I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
