I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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