her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
