The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
