Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
