Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
