I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
