I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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