Nicole vs. Life
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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