he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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