I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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