I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
