I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
