I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
