It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
