tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
