Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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