I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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