All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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