all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
