He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
