I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
