Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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