So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
