a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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