Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so much tequila, so little girl.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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