He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
