Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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