can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
