Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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