I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
