She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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