Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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