Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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