Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
