Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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