I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
