fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he puts the penis in happiness.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.