Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.