Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.