Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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