even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
