oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
