1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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