when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
