Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no