Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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